Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 4)

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon

An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

A man walked into the doctor’s; he said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places.' … The doctor said, ‘well don’t go there any more.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

I got the bill for my surgery; now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

There are only two sorts of doctors: those who practice with their brains, and those who practice with their tongues.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

[to the doctor] How about what I done for you in the bottle there? Ya know, the eulogy test.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

We may lay down a maxim, that when a nation abounds in physicians it grows thin of people.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor