Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 4)

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax… you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

Animals Doctors Health

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author
Doctors Health Marriage

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Doctors Men

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician
Doctors Health

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon
Death Doctors Health

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Doctor, feel my purse.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Doctors Health

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Doctors Fools Intelligence

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Doctors Health