Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 4)

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Groinocologist

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon

I used to believe that chiropractors where charlatans, but then I went to one, and now I stand corrected.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.