Subject: Health (Page 10)

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

I'm taking Lamaze classes; I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

They said he had neurosis of the liver.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Doctors Health

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Health Insults Situations

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Health

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time — I think I’ve forgotten this before.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Memory Situations

Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.


Health Wordplay

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… the refrigerator.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes

Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember

Headlines Health

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Health Love Marriage Wives

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes