Subject: Health (Page 10)

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

Psychiatrist to patient: You’re suffering from paranoia… anyone’ll tell you.

(1928 – ) English cartoonist
Health

There are only two sorts of doctors: those who practice with their brains, and those who practice with their tongues.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician
Doctors Health

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

Take the juice of two quarts of whisky…

(1904 – 1973) American guitarist & bandleader
Alcohol Health

I have been laid up with intentional flu.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Misspokements

Oh, last week was a rough week, I noticed my gums were shrinking… I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Situations

I suffer from a deviant septum.

Health Malaprops

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

(1921 – ) U.S. senator (Ohio) Marine Corps pilot & astronaut
Age Health Old

Life is an incurable condition: the only known treatment is to try to keep the patient comfortable.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Health Life

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

You don’t get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what’s eating you.

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Health

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Book Titles Health

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

Doctors Health Proverbs

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Health