Subject: Health (Page 11)

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

Doctors Headlines

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Age Entertainment Health Music

I’ve just learned about his illness; let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Health Insults

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Age Health Old Young

When you don’t have any money, the problem is food; when you have money, it’s sex; when you have both, it’s health.

(1926 – ) Irish American novelist & playwright
Health Money Sex

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club; you’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

I occasionally get love sick…well, they call it chlamydia.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

Healthy is just a precancerous condition.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

Did God who gave us flowers and trees

Also provide the allergies?

(1898 – 1981) American song lyricist
Health

Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.


Health Wordplay

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia; not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.


(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion
Education Health Learning School

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health