Subject: Health (Page 11)

One of my baby teeth came out! I have to say, I’m not entirely comfortable holding a piece of my own head.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Health

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

(1932 – 1963) novelist & poet
Health

I told him he’d have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Health Misspokements

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Health

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Health Intelligence Situations Sleep Wealth

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time — I think I’ve forgotten this before.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Memory Situations

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

I just hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I am tired of walking 5Ks.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities Health

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Doctors Health

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Health Husbands Marriage Ugly

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

1. All the IVs are at the other end of the hall.

2. There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off.

Health Murphy’s Laws

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health