Subject: Health (Page 11)

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Doctors Health

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Doctors Health

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

[Chickenpox] is the only disease that says,‘You know what, we did our thing once and now I’m out of here forever, peace.’

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Health

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Health

Health food makes me sick.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink Health

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places

… expensive care

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

I'm taking Lamaze classes; I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Health Old Science/Weather

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Health Life

They said he had neurosis of the liver.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club; you’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Health Sports

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self