Subject: Health (Page 13)

People with Tourette’s… what makes them tick?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health Wordplay

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

(1921 – ) U.S. senator (Ohio) Marine Corps pilot & astronaut
Age Health Old

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”

(1940 – ) American basketball coach
Doctors Health Life

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

If you’re feeling good, don’t worry… you’ll get over it.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Doctors Health Money

Corona-rary bypass.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS; I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Health

I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Doctors Health

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Sex Situations

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Health Murphy’s Laws People

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

It's no longer a question of staying healthy; it's a question of finding a sickness you like.

(1934 – ) comedian
Health

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health