Subject: Health (Page 14)

She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements

I had amnesia… once or twice.


Health Memory

I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Doctors Health

I go to a woman dentist… it a relief to be told to open my mouth instead of shut it.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Health

Germs attack people where they're weakest – which is why there are so many head colds.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Intelligence

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.


(1608 – 1661) English churchman & historian
Doctors Health

When you become senile, you won't know it.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Age Health Memory Old

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

Only have a nervous breakdown if you’ve got loads of money, and then you can really enjoy it.

(1955 – ) English composer, singer, songwriter & producer
Health Money Situations

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Health

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… the refrigerator.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.

public speaker & teacher
Health

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

A hospital is no place to be sick.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Places

Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there’s a funeral.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Doctors Health

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops