Subject: Health (Page 15)

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Communication Health Speech

I told my doctor I think my wife has V.D.; he gave himself a shot of penicillin.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Marriage Wives

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Doctors Health

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health Sex

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Insults Places

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Health

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

(1921 – 2000) comedian, television host, musician, actor & writer
Health

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Health Murphy’s Laws People

When you don’t have any money, the problem is food; when you have money, it’s sex; when you have both, it’s health.

(1926 – ) Irish American novelist & playwright
Health Money Sex

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Health Reading/Writing

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend

Book Titles Health

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow Airport for myself.

(1935 – 1994) English writer
Health Places

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol Health Misspokements Sports

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Beliefs Health Religion