Subject: Health (Page 16)

It's no longer a question of staying healthy; it's a question of finding a sickness you like.

(1934 – ) comedian
Health

You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.

Health Murphy’s Laws Time

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Driving Health

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Emotions Happiness Health

Just imagine what he’ll be like when senility kicks in… if it hasn’t already.

English former football player & manager
Health Intelligence Mind Misspokements

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Age Health

I am so pro-swine flu, I want it; we need a plague… it’s got to happen; don’t be afraid, it’s only going to kill the weak.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health TV/Movie Quotes

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.

(1961 – ) 44th U.S. president
Government Health Misspokements

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”

(1940 – ) American basketball coach
Doctors Health Life

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Death Health Misspokements

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

1. All the IVs are at the other end of the hall.

2. There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off.

Health Murphy’s Laws

What do you mean, heart attack? … You’ve got to have a heart before you can have an attack.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Health Insults

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

Drugs Headlines Health