Subject: Health (Page 16)

Have you ever noticed nobody has ever ordered a grapefruit the size of a tumor? … ever… there’s no reciprocity.


Health Things

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

Doctors Health Proverbs

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

Be careful about reading health books for you may die of a misprint.

(1747 – 1803) German Jewish physician & lecturer on philosophy
Books Communication Death Health Reading/Writing

The Resistance of Piles to Penetration

Book Titles Health

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Age Government Health Old

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Health Love Marriage Wives

Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a vegetarian.

Health Malaprops

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death Health Places

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Proverbs

Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there’s a funeral.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Doctors Health

Go to the gyropractor and get fixed?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

My Dad’s allergic to cotton; he has pills he can take but he can’t get them out of the bottle.

comedian
Health

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Sex Situations

Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1952 – ) comedian
Health Money

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers