Subject: Health (Page 17)

 I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4½ minutes – when they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Death Health Sports

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Doctors Health Mistakes

Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.

Health Murphy’s Laws

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Government Health People

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Health

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

I have been laid up with intentional flu.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Misspokements

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Family Fathers Health

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

My health is good; it’s my age that’s bad.

(1903 – 1992) country music singer, fiddler & promoter
Age Health Old

I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Doctors Health

Nothing trivial, I hope.

(1839 – 1919) Irish writer
Health Insults

In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Health Husbands Marriage Ugly

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”

(1940 – ) American basketball coach
Doctors Health Life

Don't be hollerin' at him, will ya, you'll give him a mental sterosis.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops