Subject: Health (Page 18)

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

What do we want? — A cure for dyslexia.
When do we want it? — Own.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Health

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Health

She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

When you don’t have any money, the problem is food; when you have money, it’s sex; when you have both, it’s health.

(1926 – ) Irish American novelist & playwright
Health Money Sex

That guy ain’t been the same since he had that vasexomy.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

You know, the only difference between me and a surgeon or a pediatrician is that when I approach a couple with a child and say, ‘I’d like to keep him for a few days and do some bloodwork,’ it’s considered inappropriate.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Doctors Entertainment Health

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in; filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

I was [having sex] with this girl… and it was pretty wild; I explained to her that I’d not had it in 2 years because I’d been in the VD clinic.. she replied ‘How’s the food? … I’m going in tomorrow!’

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Health Sex

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

If you’re feeling good, don’t worry… you’ll get over it.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Busted tribia

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors