Subject: Health (Page 20)

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Doctors Health Money

I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health

My dad’s third heart attack, he’d gotten so good at them, he decided to drive himself to the hospital because, ‘They won’t let me smoke in the ambulance!' and ‘You can’t make a burger run.'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Health

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist
Food/Drink Health Insults Places

Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Health Sports

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems… like your groinocology.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Health Love Money

The English find ill-health not only interesting but respectable and often experience death in the effort to avoid a fuss.

(1908 – 1967) English novelist
England Health People Places

I have the biggest crush on my dentist; I’ve been doing everything to see him; I gargle with Coke.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Emotions Health

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Doctors Emotions Health

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Communication Health Speech

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident… herpes.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Health Sports

[to the doctor] How about what I done for you in the bottle there? Ya know, the eulogy test.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You

Doctors Headlines Health

My problem, uh, is behind me now.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Health