Subject: Health (Page 20)

Go to the gyropractor and get fixed?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Health

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Health Old Science/Weather

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death Health Places

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach
Food/Drink Football Health Sports

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Doctors Men

I see cards that say ‘Get Well Soon’ … F**k that, get well now!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Health

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow; he told me to wear a brown tie.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Food/Drink Health

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

Fear Health New York City Places