Subject: Health (Page 21)

I think we should change the name of Type 1 Diabetes and Type 2 Diabetes to ‘Not Your Fault Diabetes’ and ‘Mostly Your Fault Diabetes.’

American comedian
Health

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

I like to call therapy “baggage claim.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Health

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

I am so pro-swine flu, I want it; we need a plague… it’s got to happen; don’t be afraid, it’s only going to kill the weak.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health

I recently became a Christian Scientist; it was the only health plan I could afford.

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
Health

I finally have a dental plan… I chew on the other side.

comedy writer & stand-up comedian
Health

We may lay down a maxim, that when a nation abounds in physicians it grows thin of people.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws People

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

One of my baby teeth came out! I have to say, I’m not entirely comfortable holding a piece of my own head.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Health

I'm going to have minor brain surgery.

American auto racer
Auto racing Health Sports

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Health

You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.

Health Murphy’s Laws Time

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

(1932 – 1963) novelist & poet
Health

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

Please excuse Betty from school Tuesday, she had a cold and could not breed well.

Health Malaprops

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Insults