Subject: Health (Page 21)

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

A rule of thumb in the matter of medical advice is to take everything any doctor says with a grain of aspirin.


Doctors Health Wordplay

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Age Government Health Old

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… well, it's killing me!

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Health

Down Home Gynecology

Book Titles Health

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places

I am so pro-swine flu, I want it; we need a plague… it’s got to happen; don’t be afraid, it’s only going to kill the weak.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s Day… chlamydia.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Health

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Books Communication Health Reading/Writing

The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

(1921 – 2000) comedian, television host, musician, actor & writer
Health

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Film Health