Subject: Health (Page 22)

If you have over forty eyes and have noticed how your vision has changed…

Classifieds Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

Just imagine what he’ll be like when senility kicks in… if it hasn’t already.

English former football player & manager
Health Intelligence Mind Misspokements

My cholesterol count has a comma.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Health Self

Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Health People

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Busted tribia

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

Erectile Dysfunction Probed with Engineering Tool

Headlines Health

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better; but don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

I read today that 10 out of 2 people are dyslectic.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Health

Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor
Emotions Health Laughter

A hospital is no place to be sick.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Places

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health