Subject: Health (Page 22)

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS; I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Health

I read today that 10 out of 2 people are dyslectic.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Health

I’m so frightened of disease that it’s to the point I won’t have sex with someone… unless they say… you know… “Okay.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Health Sex

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Doctors Health

I had amnesia… once or twice.


Health Memory

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health Sex

The English find ill-health not only interesting but respectable and often experience death in the effort to avoid a fuss.

(1908 – 1967) English novelist
England Health People Places

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

You don't get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what's eating you.

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Eating Food/Drink Health Problems

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Health Murphy’s Laws Places World