Subject: Health (Page 23)

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health Sex

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Health

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Health Insults

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

(1875 – 1965) German/French theologian, organist, philosopher, physician & medical missionary
Emotions Happiness Health Intelligence Memory

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs God Health Misspokements

What do you mean, heart attack? … You’ve got to have a heart before you can have an attack.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Health Insults

No child throws up in the bathroom.

Children Health Murphy’s Laws

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Health Time

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

(1875 – 1961) Swiss psychiatrist & founder of analytical psychology
Health

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Health Sports

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

I don’t want to say the wait was long, but the guy in front of me was being treated for a musket wound.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Health Time

You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.

Health Murphy’s Laws Time

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health