Subject: Health (Page 24)

The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get interested in someone else's.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
Appearance Body Health

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.

Health Murphy’s Laws Time

Erectile Dysfunction Probed with Engineering Tool

Headlines Health

Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.

public speaker & teacher
Health

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

Sometimes I think I tore all the ligaments in my head.

cartoon character, Peanuts (Charles Schulz, 1922 – 2000) creator & cartoonist
Health

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Fools Health Intelligence

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

I had some eyeglasses… I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Doctors Health Life People

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Doctors Health Old Things

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

I fainted last night… luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health Situations

I used to carry condoms, but I know I’ve got a better chance of getting a stomach ache than getting laid.

American comedian
Health Sex Situations

Vagina?… that sounds like something you call in sick with.

American comedian & television host
Communication Health Language

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Doctors Health

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations