Subject: Health (Page 3)

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

As I get older I'm going to hear "You look great" a lot less than I'm going to hear "You look sick.”

American stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Health Old

People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Health Sports

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Health Sex

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Health

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors Health Ugly

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast; turned out to be a trick knee.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Body Health Relationships

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Doctors Fools Intelligence

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

People with Tourette’s… what makes them tick?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health Wordplay

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow Airport for myself.

(1935 – 1994) English writer
Health Places

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health