Subject: Health (Page 4)

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health TV/Movie Quotes

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work… medicine.

(1975 – ) Australian comedian, actor, writer, musician & director
Health

There are only two things a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and his mother’s age.

(1903 – 1998) American pediatrician & author
Age Children Family Health Mothers

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time — I think I’ve forgotten this before.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Memory Situations

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health

You don't get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what's eating you.

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Eating Food/Drink Health Problems

I used to carry condoms, but I know I’ve got a better chance of getting a stomach ache than getting laid.

American comedian
Health Sex Situations

Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.

public speaker & teacher
Health

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Health Time

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Book Titles Health

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money