Subject: Health (Page 4)

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

You’re Sharp Enough To Be Your Own Surgeon

Book Titles Health

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Doctors Health

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Health

I’m constipated, couldn’t give a shit.

American comedian
Health

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.

Doctors Health Proverbs

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

Ladies, if you get a burning sensation when you pee, it could be one of three things: it could be a urinary tract infection, it could be a bushfire, or it could be someone's talking about your vagina.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body Health

Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a vegetarian.

Health Malaprops

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow; he told me to wear a brown tie.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health

I recently became a Christian Scientist; it was the only health plan I could afford.

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
Health

If medicine has made so much progress in the last 30 years, how come I felt better 30 years ago?

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Health

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing half the fun.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Health

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

I was [having sex] with this girl… and it was pretty wild; I explained to her that I’d not had it in 2 years because I’d been in the VD clinic.. she replied ‘How’s the food? … I’m going in tomorrow!’

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Health Sex

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

(1875 – 1961) Swiss psychiatrist & founder of analytical psychology
Health