Subject: Health (Page 5)

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Neurotic means he is not as sensible as I am, and psychotic means he’s even worse than my brother-in-law.

(1893 – 1990) American psychiatrist
Health

I'm going to have minor brain surgery.

American auto racer
Auto racing Health Sports

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs God Health Misspokements

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

I got food poisoning today… I don’t know when I’ll use it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Health

The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.

Health Military Murphy’s Laws

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health Sex

As I get older I'm going to hear "You look great" a lot less than I'm going to hear "You look sick.”

American stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Health Old

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health Problems

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health