Subject: Health (Page 5)

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

(1875 – 1965) German/French theologian, organist, philosopher, physician & medical missionary
Emotions Happiness Health Intelligence Memory

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Health

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

Nothing trivial, I hope.

(1839 – 1919) Irish writer
Health Insults

The rate of hospital admissions responds to bed availability; if we insist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Sooner or later, the lame, the halt, and the blind all seek refuge with us.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Health Sports

I fainted last night… luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health Situations

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

People with Tourette’s… what makes them tick?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health Wordplay

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Age Government Health Old

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws

The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Health Sex

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Food/Drink Health

If you have one of these symptoms, please call this 800 number – Death, Heartburn, …

Classifieds Health

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Emotions Happiness Health