Subject: Health (Page 8)

I read today that 10 out of 2 people are dyslectic.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Health

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol Appearance Health

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Health

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places

Why is it that men who can go through severe accidents, air raids, and any other major crisis always seem to think that they are at death's door when they have a simple head cold?"

(1898 – 1992) American actress
Health Men People

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

I'm addicted to placebos; I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Situations

I’m constipated, couldn’t give a shit.

American comedian
Health

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Health Time

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author
Doctors Health Marriage

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Health Situations

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

Yankin’ out the tonsils and the adenoods.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops