Subject: Health (Page 8)

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death Health Places

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident… herpes.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Health Sports

Bill Walton is incredible; if you drop a toothpick on his foot, he'll have a stress fracture.

American basketball coach
Basketball Health Sports

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in; filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Health People

Yankin’ out the tonsils and the adenoods.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Health Places

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health

This is one of the healthiest X-rays I’ve ever seen… but if we compare that with yours…

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Doctors Health

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Doctors Health

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Doctors Health

I used to work at a health food store; I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Health

It's no longer a question of staying healthy; it's a question of finding a sickness you like.

(1934 – ) comedian
Health

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

Activities Health Proverbs Sleep

Only have a nervous breakdown if you’ve got loads of money, and then you can really enjoy it.

(1955 – ) English composer, singer, songwriter & producer
Health Money Situations

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Health Language