Subject: Health (Page 9)

Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Health Life

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Doctors Men

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

(1951 – ) English television writer
Health

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death Health Places

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health

A rule of thumb in the matter of medical advice is to take everything any doctor says with a grain of aspirin.


Doctors Health Wordplay

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

I told my doctor I think my wife has V.D.; he gave himself a shot of penicillin.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Marriage Wives

I'm beginning to have morning sickness… I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Health

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

Health food makes me sick.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink Health

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Health Intelligence Situations Sleep Wealth

If men could get pregnant,abortion would be a sacrament.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Health Men People

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Death Doctors Health Money