Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 11)

Peter Marshall: Do most women think a gambling casino is a good place to meet a man?

Wayland & puppet Madame: I’ll lay ya eight to five… or ten to midnight!

(1939 – 1988) American puppeteer
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul Lynde recently stated, “If there’s anything helpful for other actors to be drawn from my experience, it is this: don’t try to fake…” What?

Karen Valentine: Anything!

(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?

Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?

Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron:  Peter, does the average CEO make more money in a year than the average worker?

Peter Marshall [as a contestant]:  Well, I would think they have to.  You know, bail.

(1926 – ) American television personality & game show host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the classic movie Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein was supposed to do something important the day the monster killed him. What?

Paul Lynde: A tonsillectomy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… having a good memory is a sign of a well-adjusted personality.

Karen Valentine: What was the question?

(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The great Sphinx has a human’s head, but whose body?

Rose Marie: Milton Berle's.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it’s a moose. If you have two, it’s a….?

Paul Lynde: It’s a mess!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: If the draft board rejects you because you’re too fat, can you be drafted when you get skinny again? 

Wally Cox: Yes, it’s called double jeopardy. 

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what do you call a group of germs?

Paul Lynde: A Panzer division.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the primary problem that develops with men’s zippers?

Paul Lynde: Rust.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Twiggy reportedly added an inch to her bustline while making (the movie) The Boyfriend. What does that make her bust measurement now?

Paul Lynde: One.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… cow’s horns are used to make ice cream.

Paul Lynde: You mean those weren’t chocolate chips?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?

Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?

Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Will a lightning rod work if it’s bent?

Dom Deluise: My lightning rod wouldn’t work… I’m going to have my doctor check my bent rod!

(1933 – 2009) actor, comedian, film director, chef & author
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Madame, is it true that people who smoke get rear-ended more often?

Wayland & puppet Madame: Hi sailor, got a light?

(1939 – 1988) American puppeteer
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”  What did she give her children to eat?

Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe?  Filet of sole!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?

Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded. 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares