Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 15)

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many men are on a hockey team?

Paul Lynde: Oh, about half.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren has written a cookbook which will be published this spring entitled, “Cooking With …” Cooking with what?

Paul Lynde: Cooking with a three-foot-long spoon.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re a shy, bashful girl. According to Cosmo, will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband?

Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?

Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.

Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what do you call a group of germs?

Paul Lynde: A Panzer division.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Bert Parks:  Is it true or false… that chickens who live near airports, lay more eggs, than chickens who live near railroads tracks?

Wally Cox (after audience laughter): I don’t see anything to laugh about!  (more laughter) I think it’s very obvious… Chicks who live near airports are more nervous than chicks who live near tracks. 

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a Catholic parish in Las Vegas that holds services in a topless discotheque?

George Gobel: Yes, and there's a sign that says "Do not tip or touch the choir."

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, “Help!,” what is the best thing to scream?

Rose Marie: More!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible to drink too much water?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it’s called drowning!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the Reverend Billy Graham, what sin have you committed if you drink too much?

George Gobel:  Gluttony.  The neighbors say I ate their cat. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: You have “frigaphobia.” What are you afraid of?

Whoopi Goldberg: Every friggin’ thing!

(1955 – ) American comedian, actress, political activist & talk show host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King David asked beautiful and wise Abigail to do something after her first husband died. What?

Paul Lynde: Get him out of the room.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Athens recently, they discovered sketches of the great philosopher Socrates, revealing that he bore a striking resemblance to Paul Newman?

Paul Lynde: But he walked like Joanne!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Henry Kissinger was recently quoted as saying, “They aren’t even sexy!” Who was he referring to?

Paul Lynde: The Joint Chiefs of Staff.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?

Paul Lynde: Well, it’s easy to steer.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano?

Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the Bible, they never get old, and not one of them has been known to get sick. Who are they?

Charo: The Osmonds

(1951 – ) Spanish-American actress, comedian & flamenco guitarist
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you see your dog chewing on the grass in your backyard, is that a sign that he’s not feeling well?

Morey Amsterdam: It’s a sign that he doesn’t like the grass in the backyard.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares