Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 16)

Peter Marshall: According to Compton’s Encyclopedia, when Columbus returned from his famous trip, he brought Queen Isabella six naked savages, some animals, some plants, and something valuable. What was it?

Paul Lynde: I’ll say the six naked savages.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it?

Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?

Paul Lynde: No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.

Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the celebrated Masters & Johnson, there are about four or five thousand places offering sex therapy in America today. Now do they feel that most of them are doing a really good job?

George Gobel: Well, not the ones where you don't have to leave your car.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?

Paul Lynde: Shaft!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn’t done it and says he won’t do it until he’s ready. Do what?

Paul Lynde: Move out of the house!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did James Watt invent after fooling around with his wife’s tea kettle?

Paul Lynde: James Watt Jr.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the name of the instrument with the light on the end, that the doctor sticks in your ear?

Paul Lynde: Oh, a cigarette.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  What makes water hard?

Charley Weaver:  Winter.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What was Thomas Jefferson referring to when he said “You don’t need two when one will do.?”

Nancy Walker: Paper towels!

(1922 – 1992) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? 

George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what do you call a group of germs?

Paul Lynde: A Panzer division.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to an article in the Dayton Daily News, it’s the most universal reaction in men after they’ve gotten their divorce. What is it?

George Gobel: Relief.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog?

Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?

Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Henry Kissinger was recently quoted as saying, “They aren’t even sexy!” Who was he referring to?

Paul Lynde: The Joint Chiefs of Staff.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?

Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners! 

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?

Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares