Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 17)
Peter Marshall: According to the song classic, “Things aren’t always as bad as they seem if you…” Do what? Paul Lynde: Put a bag over her head.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… according to the Bible, you are a sinner?Paul Lynde: As long as they spelled my name right.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?Paul Lynde: No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.Charley Weaver: That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to experts, can you have a one-second dream?Harvey Korman: Well sure, but I always ask for some of my money back.
Harvey Korman
(1927 – 2008) American comedic actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were to have a baby, would it be a bionic baby? George Gobel: Yes, but it would require three doctors, a ground crew and a disposable net.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty? Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In Greek mythology, what would the god Morpheus do to you while you were asleep?Paul Lynde: I don’t know, but I got an enchanted hickie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the
Bible
, who was found in a basket among the bulrushes? Paul Lynde: Colonel Sanders.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall:
The Pittsburgh Press
calls it a combination of the Jitterbug, the Cha-cha, and the Mambo. What do you call it?George Gobel: A short in my electric blanket.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg? Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!
Vincent Price
(1911 – 1993) American actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint?”Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib. [A company which specialized in repainting automobiles]
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?Paul Lynde: A little show of affection.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?Paul Lynde: They’re so cold!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now? Paul Lynde: Suicidal.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 17 of 22
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