Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 17)
Peter Marshall: True or false… in Sweden, a person can get an instant divorce?Paul Lynde: Yes, from poisoned meatballs.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is Billy Graham considered a good dresser?Paul Lynde: No, but he’s a terrific end table.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Oscar, you’ve made a man very happy… Oscar the Grouch: I’m sorry to hear that.
Oscar the Grouch
Muppet
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.
Jim J. Bullock
(1955 – ) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul… during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?Paul Lynde: I’ll say the yo-yo!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Spiro Agnew was in the infantry during World War Two. Was he decorated? Wally Cox: He looked really pretty in the puka shells but they made him take them off…
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’
Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show] Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean? George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from? Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing? Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.
Totie Fields
(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor recently stated, “It wasn’t easy.” And hubby Richard Burton added, “But we both sleep much better.” They were both talking about the same thing. What?Paul Lynde: Separate bedrooms.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a magazine called
The Corsets & Underwear Revue?
George Gobel: I was reading that before
Playboy
came out.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Dear Abby, it’s nature’s signal that something is wrong. What is it?George Gobel: When your son starts waxing his legs.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?Charley Weaver: His feet.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you had twins and they weren’t identical, what would they be called? Nannette Fabray: Peter and Debra!
Nannette Fabray
(1920 – ) American actress, comedian, singer & dancer
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog? Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 17 of 22
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