Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 17)

Peter Marshall: Redd, of the stolen cars in this country, are many of them ever recovered?

Redd Foxx: Why sure, I had one recovered in zebra once.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: Martha Stewart once said that there’s nothing more delicious than one of these. What?

Bruce Vilanch: A good spanking!

(1948 – ) American comedy writer, songwriter & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did Anita Bryant do for her talent competition in the Miss America contest?

George Gobel: Punch the hairdresser.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Modern science can’t really explain why, but if you go outside at night, stand on your head, and stare at the full moon, you will notice something unusual. What?

Paul Lynde: Yes, in eight seconds, rain will fill up your nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Way back in 1256, a philosopher and monk named Roger Bacon took 41.2 percent salt peter, and 29.4 each of sulfur and carbon, and came up with the modern version of something… what?

Rose Marie: Army food.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Raquel Welch, a woman’s bust size should have nothing to do with her sex appeal. True or false?

Joan Rivers: That’s easy for her to say.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Hamlet’s mother dies because she gets something that was meant for her famous son. What was it?

Roddy McDowall: A dozen roses and a box of candy

(1928 – 1998) British actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?

Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?

Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a company that will rent you a nude bartender for your party?

Paul Lynde: (sings) Set ‘em up, Joe…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eva Gabor says she dislikes a particular word because it signals the end of something that started out so beautifully. What word?

Paul Lynde: Pregnant.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

Charlie Weaver: A divorcee.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?

Charley Weaver:  Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter: If the draft board rejects you because you’re too fat, can you be drafted when you get skinny again? 

Wally Cox: Yes, it’s called double jeopardy. 

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing?

Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… nylon is stronger than steel?

Paul Lynde: But steel panties don’t turn me on!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A recent hearing, opponents of fluorinated water argue that too much fluorine in a persons system can cause an uncontrollable desire for sex?

Paul Lynde (shouting): HEY CULLIGAN MAN!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… each generation of Americans has been about an inch taller than the previous generation.

Paul Lynde: That makes Robert Conrad an antique!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares