Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 17)

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Sweden, a person can get an instant divorce?

Paul Lynde: Yes, from poisoned meatballs.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is Billy Graham considered a good dresser?

Paul Lynde: No, but he’s a terrific end table.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Oscar, you’ve made a man very happy…

Oscar the Grouch: I’m sorry to hear that.

Muppet

John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?

Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.

(1955 – ) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul… during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?

Paul Lynde: I’ll say the yo-yo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Spiro Agnew was in the infantry during World War Two.  Was he decorated?

Wally Cox: He looked really pretty in the puka shells but they made him take them off…

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?

Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’

Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show]

Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing?

Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian

Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?

Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor recently stated, “It wasn’t easy.” And hubby Richard Burton added, “But we both sleep much better.” They were both talking about the same thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Separate bedrooms.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a magazine called The Corsets & Underwear Revue?

George Gobel: I was reading that before Playboy came out.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Dear Abby, it’s nature’s signal that something is wrong. What is it?

George Gobel: When your son starts waxing his legs.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: If you had twins and they weren’t identical, what would they be called?

Nannette Fabray: Peter and Debra!

(1920 – ) American actress, comedian, singer & dancer

Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog?

Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor