Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 19)

Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?

Paul Lynde: Baste him!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing?

Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What?

Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? 

George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: President Johnson had a personal butler in the White House; so did presidents Kennedy and Nixon. Does President Ford also have a butler?

Paul Lynde: Yes, he doubles as the Secretary Of Agriculture.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Parade Magazine, almost half of the dogs in the United states have a common problem, and it affects a lot of people too. What?

Paul Lynde: Water on the knee.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.

Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the song classic, “Things aren’t always as bad as they seem if you…” Do what?

Paul Lynde: Put a bag over her head.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: The term SWAT originated in the Los Angeles Police Department. What does SWAT stand for?

Whoopi Goldberg: Some Whoop-Ass Tonight!

(1955 – ) American comedian, actress, political activist & talk show host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie What’s The Matter With Helen? Who plays Helen?

Dennis Weaver: That’s why they asked the question.

(1924 – 2006) American actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?

Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who was known as “Old Blood and Guts?”

Paul Lynde: Barbara Stanwyck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did Anita Bryant do for her talent competition in the Miss America contest?

George Gobel: Punch the hairdresser.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.

Charley Weaver:  Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.

Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… every day, about 10 million American women take the pill.

Paul Lynde: And I could name 'em all!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?

Paul Lynde: Well, it’s easy to steer.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them both.” Who or what was he referring to?

Paul Lynde: His fans.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, your husband, Edgar, is talking in his sleep. Should you be upset if he talks about his secretary?

Joan Rivers: And how… his secretary is a guy!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the celebrated Masters & Johnson, there are about four or five thousand places offering sex therapy in America today. Now do they feel that most of them are doing a really good job?

George Gobel: Well, not the ones where you don't have to leave your car.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares