Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Sunday, May 11, 2025
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 22)
Peter Marshall: Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?
Paul Lynde: No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… a newborn rabbit can become a grandfather in less than a year.
Wally Cox: Let’s show ‘em!
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: From what animal do you get silk blouses?
Paul Lynde: An animal to you, Peter, but kind and generous to me.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Howard Cosell’s wife recently said in an interview that her husband tells her this at least five times a day. What does he say to her?
Paul Lynde: Is my toupee back from the cleaners?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Wally, a grapefruit is nothing like a grape. How did it get its name?
Wally Cox: Oh, you noticed that too, huh?
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King David asked beautiful and wise Abigail to do something after her first husband died. What?
Paul Lynde: Get him out of the room.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Tom Bergeron: If you’re eating a convenience store hot dog, is it better for you if the weiner is smooth or if it’s wrinkled?
Raquel Welch: Well, I mostly know about smooth ones…
Raquel Welch
(1940 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall:
The Pittsburgh Press
calls it a combination of the Jitterbug, the Cha-cha, and the Mambo. What do you call it?
George Gobel: A short in my electric blanket.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body?
George Gobel: You can’t scare me!
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?
Paul Lynde: A passenger.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… Ari Onassis gave Jackie $5 million worth of jewelry in their first year of marriage alone?
Paul Lynde: And it didn’t cure her headache.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What can you tell about the Pope when he puts on his purple robe?
Tom Poston: He’s ready for his pipe and slippers!
Tom Poston
(1921 – 2007) American actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In television, who lived in Doodyville?
Paul Lynde: The Ty-De-Bowl Man.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to an article in the
Dayton Daily News,
it’s the most universal reaction in men after they’ve gotten their divorce. What is it?
George Gobel: Relief.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best?”
Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?
Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?
Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?
Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall:When President Nixon was in Poland recently the Polish people kept shouting, “Stolat! Stolat! Stolat!” What does “Stolat” mean?
Paul Lynde: Welcome, President Johnson
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 22 of 22
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