Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 22)
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What? Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Way back in 1256, a philosopher and monk named Roger Bacon took 41.2 percent salt peter, and 29.4 each of sulfur and carbon, and came up with the modern version of something… what?Rose Marie: Army food.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… pickles and martinis don’t taste as good to people with dentures? George Gobel: Well, you can get along without dentures.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the primary problem that develops with men’s zippers?Paul Lynde: Rust.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You became a mother two months ago. And you’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. According to
Cosmopolitan
magazine, is this normal?Paul Lynde: I hate these stretch marks!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the only thing a polar bear is afraid of?Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Movie Life
magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why? Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What did Anita Bryant do for her talent competition in the Miss America contest? George Gobel: Punch the hairdresser.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts at
Seventeen
magazine, what is the major cause of crows feet?George Gobel: God made them so crows could dance.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Compton’s Encyclopedia
, when Columbus returned from his famous trip, he brought Queen Isabella six naked savages, some animals, some plants, and something valuable. What was it?Paul Lynde: I’ll say the six naked savages.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?Charley Weaver: His feet.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul…champagne glasses were designed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s bosom?Paul Lynde: And we have Karen (Valentine) to thank for the shot glass!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.Charley Weaver: That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?Paul Lynde: Baste him!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?Paul Lynde: As long as that’s as far as it goes.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.Charley Weaver: What?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
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