Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 22)
Peter Marshall: If a women becomes pregnant while employed, is she now entitled to six weeks maternity leave? Paul Lynde: Only if the baby resembles the boss.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… a newborn rabbit can become a grandfather in less than a year.Wally Cox: Let’s show ‘em!
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Why do people refer to ships as “she?”Charlie Weaver: Because both have round bottoms.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings. Paul Lynde: It’s not easy to sign a crew up for six months…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.Charley Weaver: What?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Shakespeare, what acquaints a man with strange bedfellows?George Gobel: The tall dude in the purple hat.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant. What is it?Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?Paul Lynde: They’re so cold!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Better Homes and Gardens, Is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle? Michael Landon: … well, if you can’t make it to the house, I mean…
Michael Landon
(1936 – 1991) American actor, writer, director & producer
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Wally, True or false… your teeth are made primarily of ivory?Wally Cox: Yes. First you take an elephant…
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it? Paul Lynde: Eye holes!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a Catholic parish in Las Vegas that holds services in a topless discotheque?George Gobel: Yes, and there's a sign that says "Do not tip or touch the choir."
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
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