Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 4)

Peter Marshall: Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell ‘Man overboard!’ What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?

Paul Lynde: Full speed ahead!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In ancient times, after a battle, the losers would present the winners with a handful of grass.  What did this symbolize?

Paul Lynde: The losers were Mexican!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron:  Peter, does the average CEO make more money in a year than the average worker?

Peter Marshall [as a contestant]:  Well, I would think they have to.  You know, bail.

(1926 – ) American television personality & game show host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Pride, anger, covetousness, lust, gluttony, envy, and sloth are collectively known as what?

Paul Lynde: The Bill of Rights.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?

Paul Lynde: Smuggling!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Fidel Castro recently gave Yugoslavia’s Marshall Tito a gift. What was it?

Paul Lynde: A cheap, hand–painted tie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, is immorality contagious?

Paul Lynde: I know he was down with it for about a month.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the only thing a polar bear is afraid of?

Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?

Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Why do people refer to ships as “she?”

Charlie Weaver: Because both have round bottoms.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Time Life Books calls it the most complex lump of matter known to man. What is it?

Joan Rivers: My eggs Benedict!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: Ellen, true or false… the state of Virginia was named after a reputed virgin.

Ellen Degeneres: Well, if that is true, what does that say about Idaho?

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What is a bee fly?

George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the Bible, they never get old, and not one of them has been known to get sick. Who are they?

Charo: The Osmonds

(1951 – ) Spanish-American actress, comedian & flamenco guitarist
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When is it a good idea to put your pantyhose in the microwave oven for two minutes?

Paul Lynde: When your house is surrounded by the police.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can you get milk and butter from a camel?

Joey Bishop: You have to have a high stool.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the plural of “titmouse?”

McLean Stevenson: Ooh-kay, got your mouse, got your meece and got your mice. It’s titsmouse… (laughter) titsmice… uh, (more laughter) titmice!

(1927 – 1996) American actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Good Housekeeping Magazine, Lucille Ball was 40 years old before she had her first what?

Paul Lynde: Red hair.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show]

Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares