Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 4)
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy? Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When Burt Reynolds saw his pictures in
Cosmopolitan,
he said he had something that reminded him of Roy Rogers. What was it? Paul Lynde: Saddle sores… they both spend so much time in the saddle!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, there is only one thing that can satisfy your deepest longings. What?Rose Marie: You want names or just…?
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Has a court ever awarded a woman half a million dollars because her husband was no longer able to leave her romantically satisfied?Paul Lynde: All the jury had to see was Exhibit A.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In
The Wizard of Oz,
the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… the dining room of the House of Representatives in Congress serves 10-12 gallons of beans every day?George Gobel: And they go pass… (laughter) legislation!
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Redd Foxx
(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You’re eating chicken, and you notice the bones are very dark. What does that tell you about the chicken? David Steinberg: At one time, the chicken had rhythm…
David Steinberg
(1942 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, writer, director & author
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter…and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Tom Bergeron: Bruce, you’re the most popular fruit in America. What are you? Bruce Vilanch: Humbled.
Bruce Vilanch
(1948 – ) American comedy writer, songwriter & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When Fernando Cortez captured this city, he called it “The Venice Of The New World.” What do we know that city as today?Marty Allen: South Philadelphia.
Marty Allen
(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are leaving Hawaii by boat. Legend says that you’ll return if you do something. Do what?Paul Lynde: I guess have Don Ho’s baby.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Lawrence Welk says that as a teenager, he promised his father he would work hard on their farm for four years, his Daddy would loan him the money to buy something few boys ever get. What? Paul Lynde: A champagne lady.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the famous children's story, why did Goldilocks refuse the porridge of the great big bear?Rose Marie: Probably Vincent (Price) was playing the part, and he cooked it.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Page 4 of 22
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