Subject: Insults (Page 16)

George W. [Bush] was born on third, but thinks he hit a triple.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Death Insults

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Appearance Insults Intelligence

He makes a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float look ridiculous.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

The English think soap is civilization.

(1834 – 1896) German historian & political writer
England Insults Places

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Insults

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
England Insults Places Speech

Pamela Lee said her name is tattooed on her husband's penis; which explains why she changed her name from Anderson to Lee.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Insults

I once described him [Arnold Schwarzenegger] as looking like a condom full of walnuts.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

The Cuban heel.

(1887 – 1966) American stage entertainer & actor
Insults

It's bad when they don't perform your operas – but when they do, it's far worse.

(1835 – 1921) French Late-Romantic composer, conductor & pianist
Entertainment Insults Music Situations

A lewd vegetarian.

(1819 – 1875) English priest, university professor, historian & novelist
Insults

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Entertainment Insults People

German in the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

(1937 – 1996) English cartoonist, satirist, comedian & actor
Communication Insults Language

Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink Insults

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment Insults

It would be possible to say without exaggeration that the miners’ leaders were the stupidest men in England if we had not frequent occasion to meet the owners.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Insults Intelligence Stupidity

Oh good, now he’ll be bi-ignorant.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Communication Insults Intelligence Language

Judge: You are extremely offensive, young man!

Smith: As a matter of fact we both are; but I am trying to be, and you can’t help it.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Insults

I say that dog is lower than a snake full of buckshot.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults