Subject: Insults (Page 19)

One of the nicest old ladies I ever met.

(1897-1962) American writer

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian

The only genius with an IQ of 60.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

A buxom milkmaid reminiscent of a cow wearing a girdle, and both have the same amount of acting talent.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer

His impact on history would be no more than the whiff of scent on a lady's handkerchief.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman

A nice, acrid, savage, pathetic old chap.

(1893 – 1979) English literary critic

You look like a horse in a man costume.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

Neither am I.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian

You may have genius; the contrary is, of course, probable.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

You look like the kind of woman who dates guys in prison.

(1983 – ) American comedian

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! – alcoholic and a racist!

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian

I don’t think he could direct his nephew to the bathroom.

(1937 – ) American film & television actress, director, screenwriter & producer

I think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

He was humane but not human.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? … I’m not a black.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

Nothing trivial, I hope.

(1839 – 1919) Irish writer

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer. I reckon it looks better in the rear view mirror.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer