Subject: Insults (Page 21)

One of the nicest old ladies I ever met.

(1897-1962) American writer
Insults

So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Insults

George Zimmerman wants to go to law school; I believe his exact words were, “I’d kill to be a lawyer.”

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Insults

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Insults Sex

He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Communication Education Ideas Insults Intelligence Speech

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Entertainment Insults People

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

It was said Mr. Gladstone could convince most people of most things, and himself of anything.

(1860 – 1954) English author, Anglican priest, professor & dean
Insults

If a comic tells a joke, and no one is there to hear it, is Nick DiPaolo on stage?

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults

Elizabeth, you gotta stop calling me… I’m going with someone.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults

He acts like he's got a Mixmaster up his ass and doesn't want anyone to know it.

(1924 – 2004) American actor
Insults

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Insults

A triumph of the embalmer's art.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the."

(1912 – 1989) author, critic & political activist
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

Always willing to lend a helping hand to the one above him.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories
Characteristics Insults

Play us a medley of your hit.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Entertainment Insults Music

I look at my friendship with her as like having a gall stone; you deal with it, there is pain, and then you pass it.

(1955 – ) American comedian, singer, actress & author
Insults People

A victim of the use of water as a beverage.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Characteristics Communication Insults

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer. I reckon it looks better in the rear view mirror.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Insults Places

He [looks like] an umbrella left behind at a picnic.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Appearance Insults