Subject: Insults (Page 34)

He [Bernard Shaw] hasn’t an enemy in the world, and none of his friends like him.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults

Otto von Bismarck: The Germans have just bought a new country in Africa where Jews and pigs will be tolerated.

Disraeli: Fortunately, we are both here (in England).

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Insults People

He's the only man I know who could look at the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and complain because the bathing suits weren't flame retardant.

(1930 – ) American politician
Insults

Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for forty-five minutes.

(1900 – 1990) classical composer, teacher, writer & conductor
Entertainment Insults Music

He strains his conversation through a cigar.

(1846–1916) American essayist, editor, critic & lecturer
Communication Conversation Insults Speech

If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Insults People

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Entertainment Insults Memory People

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

You’ve heard of people living in a fool’s paradise? … well, Leonora has a duplex there.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Fools Insults

George W. [Bush] was born on third, but thinks he hit a triple.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Death Insults

His approach to the microphone is that of an accused man pleading with a hostile jury.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Entertainment Insults

Ah, Victor, still struggling to keep your head below water.

(1905 – 1987) Welsh dramatist & actor
Insults

I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.

American comedian
Insults

I don’t suggest that her face has been lifted, but there’s a possibility that her body has been lowered.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

(1819 – 1875) English priest, university professor, historian & novelist
Insults Intelligence People

He looked like a half-melted rubber bulldog.

(1925 – ) American author and literary, theater & film critic
Appearance Insults

His ignorance is encyclopedic.

(1915 – 2002) Israeli diplomat & politician
Insults Intelligence

I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at storks.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

He has so many fish hooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Appearance Insults

Nigel Mansell is someone with about as much charisma as a damp spark-plug.

British sportswriter
Auto racing Insults Sports