Subject: Insults (Page 41)

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

There never was an impostor so hateful, a blockhead so stupid, a crank so variously and offensively daft… he makes me tired.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Insults Intelligence

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Appearance Hair Insults

If he’d been making shell cases during the war it might have been better for music.

(1835 – 1921) French Late-Romantic composer, conductor & pianist
Entertainment Insults Music

Actress Mary Anderson: Mr. Hitchcock, what do you think is my best side?
Hitchcock: My dear, you're sitting on it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Appearance Insults

I thought I told you to wait in the car.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Insults

Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults Marriage Self

Bill Clinton's foreign policy experience is pretty much confined to having had breakfast once at the International House of Pancakes.

(1938 – ) political commentator, author, columnist, politician & broadcaster
Insults Intelligence Politics

He's the only man I know who could look at the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and complain because the bathing suits weren't flame retardant.

(1930 – ) American politician
Insults

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Entertainment Insults Music

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

I would like to live in Manchester, England; the transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults Places

English painter & sculptor Frederic Leighton to James McNeill Whistler: My dear Whistler, you leave your pictures in such a sketchy, unfinished state. Why don't you ever finish them?

Whistler’s reply: My dear Leighton, why do you ever begin yours?

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Communication Entertainment Insults

Don't be so humble – you are not that great.

(1898 – 1978) Israeli prime minister
Characteristics Insults

Where does she find them?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Insults

Frank Harris is invited to all of the great houses in England – once.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults

His tattoos are like shit that you wrote on the cover of your notebook.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Insults Things

If you don’t want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Insults

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Appearance Clothing Insults

I treasure every moment that I do not see her.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman
Insults