Subject: Insults (Page 6)

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Communication Insults Murphy’s Laws

Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman.

(1944 – 2007) newspaper columnist, political commentator, humorist & author
Insults

Scorsese was our director; he had phone books under his ass so he could see the actors.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults

He looks like the guy in a science fiction movie who is the first to see the “Creature."

(1933 – 2011) American comedian, imitator of famous political figures
Insults

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance Insults

What can you do with a man who looks like a female llama surprised when bathing?

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults

The ‘g’ is silent… the only thing about her that is.

(1959 – ) English writer & columnist
Communication Insults Speech

You have delighted us long enough.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Insults

He makes a July's day short as December.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Insults

Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the."

(1912 – 1989) author, critic & political activist
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Education Insults Learning

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Ideas Insults Intelligence

With his womanly voice, stark white skin and Medusa hair, his gash of red lipstick, heavy eyeliner, almost nonexistent nose and lopsided face, Jackson was making his TV appearance in order to scotch all rumors that he is not quite normal.

(1957 –) British critic & satirist
Insults

[businesman] Sir Martin Sorrell is more arrogant than the entire French nation put together.


businessman & CEO
Communication Insults

Joe Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Appearance Insults

She would be like Richard Wagner if only she looked a bit more feminine.

(1892-1969) English poet & writer
Appearance Insults

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

American author
Insults People Places

Garfield has shown that he is not possessed of the backbone of an angleworm.

(1822 – 1885) 18th U.S. president & army general
Insults

If you play against him, you hate him; if you play with him, you hate him a little less.

(1964 – ) Venezuelan-American baseball player & manager
Baseball Insults Sports

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

She preserved to the age of fifty-six that contempt for ideas which is normal among boys and girls of fifteen.

(1884 – 1967) American professor, poet & politician
Insults