Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Intelligence
(Page 10)
I see the pain on your face when you say the word intellectual, because it has so many syllables in it.
Clive James
(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Insults
Intelligence
To Stephen Colbert
Poverty is the step-mother of genius.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence
Money
Genius
Poverty
I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak.
Shaquille O'Neal
American basketball player
Education
Intelligence
Misspokements
School
Exams
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Research
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Work
Research
Theories
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
Don Herold
(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Intelligence
People
Common sense
I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.
Lyndon Johnson
(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults
Intelligence
Chickens
On a speech by Richard Nixon
You cannot compile a wit out of two half-wits.
Joe Orton
(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Fools
Intelligence
Stupidity
Empty vessels make most noise.
Proverb
Fools
Intelligence
Bragging
They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.
Eugene Mirman
(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education
Girls
Intelligence
School
Special Ed
A movie is never any better than the stupidest man connected with it.
Ben Hecht
(1894 – 1964) American screenwriter, director, producer, playwright & novelist
Entertainment
Film
Intelligence
Stupidity
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Joey Adams
(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities
Fools
Intelligence
Kissing
Well, I really think he shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all.
‘Charlie’ Rangel
(1930 – ) American politician
Insults
Intelligence
When asked what he thought about President George W. Bush
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Frank Zappa
(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Intelligence
Stupidity
Heat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from which it can pass only to a cooler mind.
Mrs. Parkinson's Law
Emotions
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.
Hunt’s Law
Ideas
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fools
Husbands
Intelligence
Marriage
Wives
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Anonymous
Insults
Intelligence
Statistics always remind me of the fellow who drowned in a river where the average depth was only three feet.
Woody Hayes
college football coach
Facts
Intelligence
Sports
Statistics
Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.
Norm Papernick
Emotions
Intelligence
Laughter
Sanity
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance
Characteristics
Children
Intelligence
Religion
Wives
Respect
Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
James Thurber
(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Age
People
Understanding
Boys
Page 10 of 47
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