Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Intelligence
(Page 25)
Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intelligence
Wisdom
Educated Man
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
P.G. Wodehouse
(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Intelligence
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Anonymous
Intelligence
Psychics
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Intelligence
War
Daughter
Roman numerals
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Bertrand Russell
(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Fools
Intelligence
Fanatics
He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence
Places
Science/Weather
Stupidity
Infinity
Universe
Psychic: An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.
‘Chaz’ Bufe
American author
Fools
Intelligence
Money
Psychic
Who’s cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Ideas
Intelligence
Language
Lisp
Am I getting smart with you? … how would you know?
Daniel Tosh
(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Intelligence
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Walt Kelly
(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist
(Pogo)
Intelligence
People
Wits
The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number seventy-nine.
Douglas Adams
(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Intelligence
New York City
Places
Common sense
One who has a clear conscience has a foggy memory.
Boyle's Truism
Intelligence
Memory
Conscience
There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence
People
Places
Eccentric
Suburbs
Brains are an asset to the woman in love who's smart enough to hide 'em.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions
Intelligence
Love
People
Women
Brains
Think?… how the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Intelligence
Sports
Thinking
Yogi-isms
Hitting
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Harding's Happy Homily
History
Memory
Murphy’s Laws
Nostalgia
Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald.
Proverb
Intelligence
Proverbs
Wisdom
Experience
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.
Laura Kightlinger
(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Alcohol
Intelligence
Memory
Situations
All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
Grant Wood
(1892 – 1942) American painter
Animals
Ideas
Intelligence
Situations
Cows
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Anonymous
Fools
Intelligence
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