Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Intelligence
(Page 25)
I don't hire anybody not brighter than I am; if they're not brighter than I am, I don't need them.
Paul 'Bear' Bryant
1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Intelligence
People
Hiring
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
Doug Larson
(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics
Intelligence
Awareness
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
John Updike
(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf
Honesty
Insults
Intelligence
Sports
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Cole's Axiom
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
World
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Communication
Intelligence
Understanding
My fairy Godmother once asked me if I’d rather have a long penis or a long memory… I forget what my answer was.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence
Memory
Penis
Everything looks bad if you remember it.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Memory
TV/Movie Quotes
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Intelligence
People
Journalists
Objectivity
Sam: Have you noticed that, uh… somebody in this bar is getting a little loony?Frasier: Sam, everyone in this bar is on a connecting flight to beyond loony.
Kelsey Grammer
(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
As Frasier Crane in “Cheers”
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.
John von Neumann
(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician
Intelligence
Life
Science/Weather
Mathematics
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.
Nyquist's Theory of Equilibrium
Fools
Intelligence
Men
People
Women
Equality
Genius
Schlemiels
In no time, it will be a forgotten memory.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication
Memory
Misspokements
Speech
Time
When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have recourse to any other.
Ulmann's Razor
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Stupidity
Explanation
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
Levy's Eighth Law
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Details
Genius
I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.
Lizz Winstead
(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation
People
Stupidity
Things
Gaza Strip
Maxi pad
Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.
Zach Braff
(1975 – ) actor, director, screenwriter & producer
Family
Memory
People
Relationships
Imaginary place
Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.
Anonymous
Expressions
Intelligence
Stupidity
Intelligent people make many mistakes because they cannot believe the world is really as foolish as it is.
Nicolas Chamfort
(1741 – 1794) French writer
Fools
Intelligence
You know how your friends are all morons, and they got the stories wrong all the time?… it’s the same here with the Bible.
Kevin Brennan
(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
Friends
Intelligence
Old
People
Bible
Stories
She reminds me of Paul Revere's ride – a little light in the belfry.
Foghorn Leghorn
cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Insults
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government
Intelligence
President
Self
Page 25 of 47
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