Subject: Intelligence (Page 33)

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Taxes Understanding World

History would be an excellent thing, if only it were true.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
History Intelligence Time

The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Arms Conflict Stupidity

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.

(1930 – ) American baseball player
Education Intelligence

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

American stand-up comedian
Age Intelligence Memory Old

I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.

(1972 – ) American actress & former model
Intelligence Science/Weather

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Intelligence Memory

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Intelligence

They couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

Memory and teeth grow weaker with time.

Intelligence Memory Proverbs

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

This weekend President Bush gave a speech honoring Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.  There was an awkward moment when Bush referred to Lincoln as “the guy who invented the penny.”

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Intelligence People

You don't have to be a Harvard professor to manage baseball; in fact, I think you're better off having an IQ like mine.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Baseball Intelligence Sports

Critics? … I love every bone in their heads.

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Communication Intelligence Occupations Work

Some people are widely read – I'm thinly read.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Intelligence People Reading/Writing Self

He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Emotions Fear Fools Intelligence

An Englishmen thinks seated; a Frenchmen standing; an American pacing, an Irishman, afterwards.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
America England Intelligence People Thinking

You cannot fashion a wit out of two half-wits.

(1942 – ) English politician
Fools Intelligence