Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Intelligence
(Page 45)
You’ve got the brain of a four year old boy… and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence
Brains
If “sense” is so common, how come we don’t see more of it around?
Bishop’s Query
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
C.B. Bishop
Common sense
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs
Intelligence
Religion
Bible
Scripture
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence
Mind
Daydream
You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.
Anonymous
Age
Ideas
Women and elephants never forget an injury.
Saki's First Law
Intelligence
Memory
Murphy’s Laws
Women
Elephants
Injuries
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
(1955 – ) cartoonist
(Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication
Intelligence
Life
Places
Science/Weather
Universe
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America
Intelligence
People
Blood
Knowledge
The Beverly Hillbillies
A face unclouded by thought.
Lillian Hellman
(1905 –1984) American playwright
Insults
Intelligence
On Norma Shearer
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Intelligence
Proverbs
Understanding
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Intelligence
Money
Imagination
Within their means
Books are for people who don't have ideas of their own.
Greg Hahn
(1984 – ) American stand-up comedian
Books
Communication
Ideas
Intelligence
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Intelligence
Problems
Understanding
Confidence
Recollect: To recall with additions something not previously known.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Memory
Recollect
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools
Government
Intelligence
World
Smart people
She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.
Billy Wilder
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Appearance
Body
Insults
Mind
Breasts
Granite
Marilyn Monroe
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools
Intelligence
Life
Money
Fun
Sam, I’m very impressed. That’s a complex psychological concept coming from a man who has to write “L” and “R” on the bottom of his shoes.
Shelley Long
(1949 – ) American actress
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
As Diane Chambers in “Cheers”
Psychic: An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.
‘Chaz’ Bufe
American author
Fools
Intelligence
Money
Psychic
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence
Taxes
Understanding
World
The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
The Billings Phenomenon
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Research
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