Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Intelligence
(Page 45)
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanlon's Razor
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Stupidity
Malice
Robert J. Hanlon
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Education
Learning
Memory
School
Evil and stupidity are randomly distributed.
Staples’s First Law of the Universe
Murphy’s Laws
Stupidity
(Brent Staples)
Evil
Consistence requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
Bernard Berenson
1865 – 1959) American art historian
Characteristics
Intelligence
Stupidity
Consistency
No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Intelligence
Men
People
Sex
The distance between many people’s ears is a block.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Intelligence
In mathematics you don't understand things… you just get used to them.
John von Neumann
(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician
Intelligence
Science/Weather
Understanding
Mathematics
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Anonymous
Government
Intelligence
Law
Court
Juries
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals
Intelligence
Wisdom
Experience
Snakes
A fool and his money is a friend indeed.
Anonymous
Fools
Friends
Intelligence
Money
People
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Intelligence
Success
His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.
Benjamin de Casseres
(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Alcohol
Insults
Intelligence
Brains
On George Bernard Shaw
The head never rules the heart, but just becomes it's partner in crime.
Mignon McLaughlin
(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Emotions
Intelligence
Head
Heart
My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.
Charles 'Chic' Murray
(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family
Fathers
Fools
Intelligence
Mothers
People
Self
Simpletons
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
Michel de Montaigne
(1533 – 1592) French writer
Intelligence
Memory
A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
Alexander Pope
(1688 – 1744) English poet
Insults
Intelligence
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage
Memory
Sex
My father was stupid; he worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family
Fathers
Intelligence
Situations
Stupidity
Pens
Theft
Engineers are all basically high-functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff.
Cory Doctorow
(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Intelligence
People
Engineers
I've never been an intellectual, but I have this look.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance
Intelligence
Intellectual
Look
Sanity is a madness put to good use.
George Santayana
(1863 – 1952) Spanish American philosopher, essayist, poet & novelist
Intelligence
Sanity
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