Subject: Life (Page 3)

I ordered a wake-up call the other day – the phone rang and a woman’s voice said, ‘What the heck are you doing with your life?’

Life

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Life Wealth Work

To the question: Do married people live longer?

Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Life Marriage Time

If I had known what it would be like to have it all… I might have been willing to settle for less.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Life

Do well and you will have no need for ancestors.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Life Success

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Books Life

Life is a tale told by an idiot – full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Life

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade… then find someone who’s life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Life

Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles… with sniffles predominating.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
Life

Reality continues to ruin my life.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Life

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
Alcohol Drugs Life Self

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Life

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health Life

Life is a gamble at terrible odds… if it was a bet you wouldn’t take it.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Life

There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Life Situations

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Beliefs Life Proverbs

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

To expect life to treat you good is as foolish as hoping a bull won’t hit you because you are a vegetarian.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Intelligence Life

Please don’t ask me what the score is, I’m not even sure what the game is.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Activities Games Life

The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.

American comedian & actor
Life