Subject: Marriage » Divorce (Page 2)

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Divorce Religion

I don't think I'll get married again; every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Divorce Marriage

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Understanding

I'm 34 years old; I thought I'd be divorced by now.

American comedian
Age Divorce Marriage

Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Divorce Marriage

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Divorce Marriage Money

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Divorce Marriage

The first one’s the hardest, then you know the routine.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

After five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer
Children Divorce Family Marriage

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: ‘Divorce never, murder, often.’

(1923 – 2008) American actor & political activist
Divorce Marriage

I got divorced from my wife on June 6, 2006; yeah, 6-6-06, which coincidentally, was when my wife turned into a demon spawned from Satan’s anus – but for legal reasons, I have to call her, “Kate.”

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Wives

It's better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.

comedian
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Places

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model
Divorce Hollywood Marriage Places

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)
Divorce Marriage

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce… because that’s what a soul weighs.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage