Subject: Marriage » Divorce (Page 2)

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer
Children Divorce Family Marriage

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian
Dating Divorce Marriage Relationships

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: ‘Divorce never, murder, often.’

(1923 – 2008) American actor & political activist
Divorce Marriage

I don't think I'll get married again; every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: the ransom the happy pay to the devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Divorce Marriage

Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Divorce Marriage

The first one’s the hardest, then you know the routine.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Divorce Marriage

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage Money

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce; we decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce Marriage Time Wives

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Understanding

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Places

My parents divorced when I was one year old so I don't really remember any of the details, but luckily my mom does so she's been really helpful.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Divorce Religion

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce… because that’s what a soul weighs.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage

Don’t forget Mother’s Day; or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Divorce Family Marriage Mothers

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Religion

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports