Subject: Marriage » Divorce (Page 2)

I got divorced from my wife on June 6, 2006; yeah, 6-6-06, which coincidentally, was when my wife turned into a demon spawned from Satan’s anus – but for legal reasons, I have to call her, “Kate.”

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Wives

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage Money

Vanessa: You have no class, Thornton, and I am tired of it! I want a divorce.

Melon: Divorce. I knew we had something in common.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: ‘Divorce never, murder, often.’

(1923 – 2008) American actor & political activist
Divorce Marriage

Always get married early in the morning; that way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

(1920 – 2014) American actor & entertainer
Divorce Marriage

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce… because that’s what a soul weighs.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

My parents got divorced after 40 years… that's the longest game of chicken ever.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

She should get a divorce and settle down.

(1918 – 2004) radio and television comedian & talk show host
Divorce Insults Marriage

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex Wives

I think that after the third marriage Georgie tried to claim his divorce attorney as a dependent.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Divorce Government Lawyers Marriage Taxes

The first one’s the hardest, then you know the routine.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

I’m still friends with all my ex’s, apart from my husbands.

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Divorce Husbands Marriage

If… you have never contemplated suicide… you’ve never truly been in love; if… you have never contemplated murder…you’ve never been divorced.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage

It's better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.

comedian
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Understanding