Subject: Marriage » Husbands (Page 2)

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Wives

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Insults Marriage Sex

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives

I’d go to the end of the world for my husband; of course, if he’d just stop and ask directions, I wouldn’t have to.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Husbands Marriage

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Husbands Marriage Wives

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

My husband said he needed more space… so I locked him outside.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Husbands Marriage

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

(1954 – ) Indian Professor of Journalism
Husbands Marriage Wives

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.

(1894 – 1988) American journalist, novelist & screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Women

Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Husbands Marriage

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

author
Husbands Marriage Problems

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Time Truth Wives

If you run into an old girlfriend – no matter how innocently – your wife will know about it before you get home.

Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws Wives

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Husbands Marriage People

I understand that many newlyweds are vacationing here (Niagara Falls)… I suppose seeing the falls was their second biggest disappointment.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Husbands Marriage Wives

Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Husbands Marriage