Subject: Marriage » Husbands (Page 4)

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands… but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
America Characteristics England Husbands Women

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Husbands Marriage

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Husbands Marriage People Women

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

The only thing worse than a husband who never notices what you cook or what you wear is a husband who always notices what you cook and what you wear.

Appearance Cooking Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Husbands Marriage

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Husbands TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.


Communication Husbands Marriage Wives

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Husbands Marriage Time Wives

Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model
Husbands Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Husbands Marriage

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other – so now it’s just a waiting game.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian & game show host
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

If you go to any book store and look at any book on marriage, you'll see at least one photo of me about to put an ice tray with only one ice cube left in it back into the refrigerator.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage