Subject: Marriage (Page 12)

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings."

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Characteristics Marriage

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian
Dating Divorce Marriage Relationships

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Money Wives

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Marriage Sex

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

My girlfriend thinks I’m very mature. She also thinks I’m incapable of being faithful. My wife, on the other hand…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Marriage Relationships

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

(1928 – ) American psychologist & advice columnist
Marriage

Do you Edith….take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Marriage

My wife donates money to the homeless and I donate money to the topless.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Wives

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Marriage

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: ‘Divorce never, murder, often.’

(1923 – 2008) American actor & political activist
Divorce Marriage

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Characteristics Fear Marriage Situations

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they' ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men

You know you’re getting older when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along

Age Marriage Old Wives

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage