Subject: Marriage (Page 13)

‘Tis my maxim he’s a fool that marries, but he’s a greater that does not marry a fool.

(c. 1641 – 1716) English dramatist
Marriage

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Sex

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Eating Food/Drink Marriage

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

(1864 – 1943) English writer
America Divorce Husbands Marriage

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Marriage

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Marriage Men Women

Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
Fools Intelligence Marriage Men Women

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

Ah Mozart! He was happily married… but his wife wasn’t.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Marriage

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage People Situations

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage Money

If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Marriage Men People Women

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Marriage Problems

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

I hated my marriage, but I always had a great place to park.

American author, humor columnist & critic
Marriage