Subject: Marriage (Page 13)

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

To the question: Do married people live longer?

Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Life Marriage Time

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she’s a householder.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Marriage

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage

Holy deadlock.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Wordplay

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Marriage Wives

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions God Love Marriage

I was the best man at the wedding; if I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Characteristics Marriage

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Emotions Love Marriage

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed; and if you really want to stay married, get two.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage

You might be a redneck if… ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Government Law Marriage People Rednecks

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage

Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Marriage Wives

I was married by a judge… I should have asked for a jury.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage

We were happily married for eight months… unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.


Marriage

Two mothers-in-law.

(1832 – 1900) Irish statesman
Conflict Crime Marriage