Subject: Marriage (Page 15)

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Marriage

One of my favorite oxymorons is engagement party.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex

I’d go to the end of the world for my husband; of course, if he’d just stop and ask directions, I wouldn’t have to.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Husbands Marriage

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Emotions Love Marriage

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

‘Tis my maxim he’s a fool that marries, but he’s a greater that does not marry a fool.

(c. 1641 – 1716) English dramatist
Marriage

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Marriage Problems

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Appearance Clothing Marriage Shopping

Brides aren’t happy – they are triumphant.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Marriage

I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Marriage Sex

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Children Family Marriage Mothers

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Things Wives

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage Money

My wife is Hawaiian; well… no she’s not, but she’s shaped like a pineapple.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Wives

You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Marriage Money

If it weren’t for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

When someone asked me once if I ever thought of leaving Bill, I asked, “Where?”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Marriage

This coat I’m wearing is a present from my wife; I came home early one night and there it was, hanging over a chair.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Marriage Wives

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Money Wives