Subject: Marriage (Page 16)

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.

(1947 – ) Austrian-American bodybuilder, actor & politician

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings."

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other – so now it’s just a waiting game.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian & game show host

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

(1982 – ) American author

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

The first part of our marriage was very happy… but then, on the way back from the ceremony…

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Marian Jordan (1898 – 1961) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The only charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception necessary for both parties.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer