Subject: Marriage (Page 20)

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Marriage Men Mistakes Problems

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Understanding

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Time

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Marriage

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work

Sex drive—a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Marriage Sex

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

I’ve been married four years now and it’s getting pretty serious.

American comedian
Marriage

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Age Children Family Marriage Places

My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.


Dating Marriage Relationships

Two mothers-in-law.

(1832 – 1900) Lord Chief Justice of England & Wales
Marriage

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Marriage

She should get a divorce and settle down.

(1918 – 2004) radio and television comedian & talk show host
Divorce Insults Marriage

A fate worse than marriage; a sort of eternal engagement.

(1939 – ) English playwright
Marriage

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Fights Marriage Relationships Sports Wives

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Emotions Marriage

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

I won't tell you how many times my dad has been married, but if they were sandwiches, his next one would be free.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage