Subject: Marriage (Page 21)

There's a new Playboy for married men – and it has the same centerfold every month.

(1959 – ) American comedian, actress & singer
Husbands Marriage

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

‘Tis my maxim he’s a fool that marries, but he’s a greater that does not marry a fool.

(c. 1641 – 1716) English dramatist
Marriage

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Government Marriage Wives

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Wives

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

When I met my wife I wanted sex in the worst way… and I got it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Marriage is a wonderful invention; then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Marriage

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Marriage

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage

I recently got married… it was like a reverse Lord of the Rings situation – I got a ring and I lost half of my powers.

(1985 – ) American comedian & actor
Marriage

I don’t want to have sex; you’re my wife, for God’s sake!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian
Dating Divorce Marriage Relationships

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage People Situations

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives