Subject: Marriage (Page 32)

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Marriage

The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Marriage Wives

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Marriage

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Marriage

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Happiness Marriage

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

Marriage… resembles a pair of shears so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Marriage

My wife gets so jealous; she came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Characteristics Marriage Wives

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Marriage

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

Take my wife… please!

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage Wives Wordplay

Two mothers-in-law.

(1832 – 1900) Lord Chief Justice of England & Wales
Marriage

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change.

(1929 – ) British military historian, cook book writer & novelist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Marriage Wives

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives