Subject: Marriage (Page 32)

Will you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Communication Marriage Wordplay

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Wives

I was the best man at the wedding; if I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage Problems

I think the secret to a successful marriage is low expectations.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage

Horse sense is what prevents a woman from becoming a nag.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Intelligence Marriage Wives

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Divorce Marriage

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

Widow: A woman who knows her husband’s whereabouts at all times.

Definitions Marriage

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Divorce Marriage

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

I recently got married… it was like a reverse Lord of the Rings situation – I got a ring and I lost half of my powers.

(1985 – ) American comedian & actor
Marriage