Subject: Marriage (Page 33)

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Marriage Wives

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Marriage Problems Shopping Wives

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

We’ve been married 21 years – 100 with the windchill factor.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Health Wives

I'm 34 years old; I thought I'd be divorced by now.

American comedian
Age Divorce Marriage

I was the best man at the wedding; if I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage

My husband said he needed more space… so I locked him outside.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Husbands Marriage

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Communication Husbands Marriage

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

You have to remember: the wife has been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces… sometimes the opposite.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Marriage Wives

That’s when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage

He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Marriage

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Marriage

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

Having one wife is called monotony.

Malaprops Marriage

You know you’re getting older when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along

Age Marriage Old Wives

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives