Subject: Marriage (Page 33)

Holy deadlock.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Wordplay

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

My last boyfriend gave me a piece of coal, and he told me that he would marry me when it turned into a diamond from all the pressure.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Marriage

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Marriage

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

I don't care if she doesn't know how to cook – so long as she doesn't know a good lawyer.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Lawyers Marriage

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Marriage

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing Husbands People Rednecks

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Emotions Marriage

Throwing rice at a wedding is a tradition… unless it’s an Asian couple, then it’s a hate crime.

comedian
Marriage

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Husbands Marriage Time

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fools Husbands Intelligence Marriage Wives

After a while, marriage is a sibling relationship – marked by occasional and rather regrettable, episodes of incest.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Marriage

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Marriage Wives

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity
Marriage Mistakes Money

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

Gay people should be allowed to get married; just because somebody’s gay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer like the rest of us.

comedian
Marriage

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Definitions Marriage

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.

(1947 – ) Austrian-American bodybuilder, actor & politician
Marriage