Subject: Marriage (Page 33)

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Emotions Love Marriage

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.

typographer
Emotions Happiness Marriage

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Marriage Sex

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

Isn’t it strange – when you’re single, all you see is couple and when you’re part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Relationships Situations

Married or Single? … there is no good choice; it’s like when your doctor says, ‘Ointment?' or ‘Suppositories’?

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage

‘I am’ is the shortest sentence in the English Language; ‘I do’ is the longest.

Marriage

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Marriage Sex

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions God Love Marriage

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce… because that’s what a soul weighs.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Divorce Religion

The girl who marries for money may find herself in debt for life.

writer
Marriage Money

My wife was too beautiful for words… but not for arguments.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Marriage Wives

Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Marriage Time

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Gay people should be allowed to get married; just because somebody’s gay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer like the rest of us.

comedian
Marriage

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Fools Marriage Men

If you run into an old girlfriend – no matter how innocently – your wife will know about it before you get home.

Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws Wives

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time