Subject: Marriage (Page 5)

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fools Husbands Intelligence Marriage Wives

Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Divorce Marriage

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Life Marriage

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Marriage Sex

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Whenever I get married, I start buying Gourmet magazine.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Marriage Reading/Writing

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

To my darling wife – roses are red, violets are blue, Valentines Day is consumerist rubbish, don’t you have some ironing to do?

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor
Marriage Wives

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

Lately, I think that my wife has been fooling around because our parrot keeps saying, ‘Give it to me hard and fast before my husband, Jon Katz, comes home; and, yes, I’d love a cracker.’

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Marriage Wives

This is my second marriage, and I have a kid from my first marriage 'cause I like souvenirs.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Children Marriage

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Husbands Marriage Time Wives

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives