Subject: Marriage (Page 5)

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor
Marriage Success Wives

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Sleep

Mixed doubles are always starting divorces. If you play with your wife, you fight with her. If you play with somebody else, she fights with you.

American professional tennis player
Marriage Sports

A woman I know is engaged to a real golf nut.  They are supposed to get married next Saturday…but only if it rains.

Golf Marriage Sports

How it Works: The Husband

Husbands Marriage

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Conflict Marriage War

If you would like to get your wife’s attention – just look comfortable!.

Marriage Wives

The only thing worse than a husband who never notices what you cook or what you wear is a husband who always notices what you cook and what you wear.

Appearance Cooking Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.


(1943 – ) American psychologist, author
Marriage Men People Situations Women

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce Marriage Time Wives

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Children Family Marriage Mothers

FREE TO GOOD HOME – Beautiful 6 mo. old male kitten — orange & caramel tabby, playful, friendly very affectionate, ideal for family w/ kids. OR Handsome 32 yr. old husband – personable, funny, good job, but doesn't like cats. Says he goes or cat goes. Call Jennifer 265-…. — come see both and decide which you'd like.

Animals Cats Classifieds Husbands Marriage

My parents got divorced after 40 years… that's the longest game of chicken ever.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos – and saved us money somehow.

American stand-up comedian
Marriage Money Shopping Wives

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Emotions Husbands Love Marriage

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages, but love accounts for the other third.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Marriage

My wife and I, we have a perfect plan to save our marriage, a nice little French restaurant, candlelight, a nice bottle of wine; I go on Tuesday, she goes on Thursday

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs