Subject: Marriage (Page 6)

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Marriage

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Divorce Insults Marriage

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Places

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding.

Marriage Money Murphy’s Laws Time

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really? Well, that “symptom” is fucking my wife.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Marriage

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Friends Marriage Old People

When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Marian Jordan (1898 – 1961) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)
Husbands Marriage Wives

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I married beneath me – all women do.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Marriage Women

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Time

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

You might be a redneck if… your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Wives

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Women

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Husbands Men People Success Wives Women

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Marriage

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Marriage