Subject: Marriage (Page 6)

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men People

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Marriage

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

There's nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Husbands Marriage People Wives

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer
Definitions Marriage

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Death Marriage

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

comedian
Communication Marriage Speech

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Marriage Men

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Divorce Marriage Sex Things

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright
Communication Marriage Occupations Reading/Writing

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Women

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Marriage Things Wives

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage